Sunday, May 5, 2013

Just me and myself

Its the general election 13 and I am coming home to fulfill my task.
3 days 2 nights is enough?
Not enough! but if i am given more time i scare i will become lazy.
7 more hours i will be at the airport waving goodbye to this homeland of mine.

14 hours ago, 
I was laying on the sofa all by myself at home.
It was suppose to be a mom and daughter day but my mom ffked me.
She want go back kampung to meet all her old friends at the polling centre.
My dad went back to vote at B'wan and direct back B'kau and overnight there.
My bro got his own agenda.
So being lazy and emo i just choose to lay while waiting tick tock tick tock for the time to pass.

....until my stomach growling.
I decided to go lone ranger hunting for food at the kk city.
Driving alone....
Listening to that unknown title song from bro's pendrive.
Soothing...
...but then tears fall down because i cant believe i am at here.
here all alone...
so much thing cross over my brain but i have to stay focus on driving 
so i stop thinking and drive.

Came to suria and find parking around tonghing.
all parking occupied.
three rounds.
I decide to go Upperstar segama instead.
The plan is only to fill in the stomach.

To friends at kk, sorry its not i dont want spend time with you all.
I just so mentally unstable...
and i know emo is not a good reason to give but that is the real reason of me..
ever since i leave home, i have to do my own decision.
sometimes i feel im brainless due to some stupidity action.
eg.
I bought last minute tickets.
I shopped nonsense stuffs.

Its just wordless.

I have everything here.
But out of comfort zone is what i seek for.
Am i stupid?
Am i really that stupid?
seek knowledge..gain experience...
yes i did.
but i started to lose my direction.

If i stay here, i forever depend on everything given to me here.
I will be the laid back me.
If i go there, i cannot stop but have to push myself to move forward.
sometimes when i push myself too hard,
i really cant handle myself.
sometimes i even feels want to give up.

Think again....this is what i seek for.

I have to sleep now.

Nite black black world. 

1 comment:

  1. For me the first 6 months is the hardest cuz still trying to adapt and finding new friends. Just stay strong. Once u get the hang of it, u will be ok. Think more positive! U can do it!

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